I feel like I've been doing this all of my life, growing up. I don't mean just going from being a care free kid to the suuden realization that I am a responsible adult. I mean really growing, changing, trying to find a place where I fit.
Do we ever find that? I don't know. I thought after I hit an age where I felt okay with myself, like magic, that would be it. It would be like a big metaphorical hammer coming down hitting me over the head, telling me I'd finally arrived, I'd grown up. I would know who and what I was. Well, not so much.
I am now a mom. Well I've been a mom for quite sometime, but I wonder how I, someone who still feels like the skinny awkward little kid, could ever hope to give her own kids enough. Enough courage, enough love, enough comfort for them to 'Grow up'? I still walk past windows, and wonder who the hell is that women staring back at me.
I'm okay though. I have adapted quite well, sometimes too well,to my surroundings. Maybe that is what growing up is all about. You simply have to become what your environment wants or allows you to be, rather than who you really are. God I sure as hell hope not.
I'll just keep trudging along, growing, changing and struggling. Maybe I'll find that elusive answer...when I grow up.
3 comments:
“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.”
Henri Bergson
You've made an admirable start at creating here. I look forward to more.
Thanks, scared shitless much??
You are so talented in so many ways.. what is there to be scared of? You are you you are and the things you create , in art or text, will reflect that.. keep creating...
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